ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
