I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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