OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
