i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
