i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
