am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
