i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize