I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
