someone threw a dead crab at me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
