So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize