omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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