k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
