you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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