That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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