WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
