how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
