thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
