I wannas sexs uuuuu
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
