i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
