RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize