My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
