I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had to cum in my sink.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
