Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
