I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
