my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
