Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
