i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You can't just leave with hair like that
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
A bitchslap is in order.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
