Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
