i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize