I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Acid is not a monday night drug
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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