Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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