So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
