Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
