Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
