She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
