Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
