remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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