I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
