So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
