god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
