Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize