Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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