Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
