i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
