I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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