How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
