so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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