yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
