using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
