Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
