My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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