I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
