do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
