It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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