My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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