Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize