You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
