So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
