It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
