..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize