If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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