The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
