then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
