you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize