the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
