I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
