i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
3pm strippers are depressing
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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