I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
