Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
