decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
