I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
