Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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