reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize