non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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