I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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