I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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