So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
