I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize