your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
