hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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