So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
