i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Floor bacon is actually really good
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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