this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
