I love black thongs
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
