She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
