this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
