it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
