Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
