Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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