I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize