I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
