i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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