i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
