Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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