youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you inspire me to be a worse person
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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