I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
