hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
