Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
