just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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