I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
