I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
